Flying
by hushedgreylily
Summary: Mark meets a little girl, afterwards. Maddison, if you squint. Oneshot.


**FLYING**

 **Mark meets a little girl, afterwards. Maddison, if you squint.**

 **Disclaimer: I realise that if you read too much into this, this could be considered a sensitive matter. I am not attempting to insult anyone's religion, beliefs or lack of them; this is purely meant to be a work of fiction. I am a Church of England Christian myself with my own views about the concept of what happens after death, and they are unrelated to the concept of this story. This is just a story. I warn you now so you can decide not to read if you think this is going to offend you.**

 **No spoilers, not really.**

 _It feels like falling asleep, really._

He finds himself walking across a green hillside in the sunshine, and everything's strangely colourful. He wonders if maybe he's hallucinating. They're pumping enough drugs into his system. It kinda looks like some sort of dystopian Central Park for a moment, and then there's a kids playground he's never seen before in front of him.

But he hasn't been to New York in a couple of years, and anyway, he's hallucinating.

Something draws him into the park, and there's a little girl suddenly on one of the swings. She looks just under four foot, and has slightly curly red hair. There's a pang in his stomach as he realises who she reminds him of, and for a second she's something of a dream that never was. He swallows, and walks further into the park.

She glances up at him, with no reaction, and gives a small smile.

"Hey."

He frowns. Kids out here all by themselves shouldn't be that comfortable around a strange man. She's not much older than Sofia…. He feels a strange pang, because somehow thoughts of Sofia don't _fit_ in this place. This strange place – he remembers a plane crash and wonders if he's hallucinating.

And as if it's not the strangest thing anyone's ever said to him, and it's not going to completely floor him, she chuckles slightly to herself and slides off the swing.

"No, Dad, you're dead." She shrugs, almost apologetically. "How else would I be here?"

Some sort of cold floods through him, and it makes more sense than he feels maybe it should. He swallows, and bends down to her height.

"What's your name, sweetheart?"

She shrugs. "I only have a sort-of name."

He frowns, but corrects himself quickly. "What's your sort-of name, then?"

She frowns back at him, and there's something oddly familiar but alien at the same time in that facial expression. She bends down and picks a dandelion before answering.

"Ella. Mommy always called me Ella in her head. She still does, sometimes. I was going to be Ella."

That's when he realises he recognises her frown from the mirror. A fleeting memory dances in front of his eyes – one morning, when Addison had been in Seattle, after a failed marriage restructure, but before Alex Karev and the hardest lie he ever told, laid against pillows, and each other, and completely _sated_ with whatever the hell they were indulging in. Memories are shaky, now, most of them, and he doesn't remember quite how the conversation started, but a phrase lingers in his mind.

 _I would have called her Ella._

She has something of an amused look on her face, as she takes to blowing at the dandelion, as if she's waiting for him to process this sudden information.

"I'm sorry." Is all he manages, in a voice so quiet he's sure she can barely hear it. She shrugs, and settles on the floor, crossing her legs underneath her. He sits beside her, as that seems the only thing to do in that moment. She gives him something of a half-smile.

"I watch her. Lots of the time. I think I would have liked her."

He feels a lump in his throat. "You would have loved her. And she would have loved you. She's never regretted anything more, you know."

With the self-assured wisdom only a child can carry off, she looks up at him. "It was as much you as it was her, you know. It was because of you and that blonde lady in the green nurses clothes that she did it."

 _Charlene, the paeds nurse._

"I didn't like her." Ella continues, uninvited, but with a refreshing honesty. "I didn't think she looked kind. And she smoked. Smoking is bad, everyone here says that!"

He considers apologising again, but an apology doesn't really cut it, when you're looking at a potential life that never had a chance to _be._ She blows at the seeds of the dandelion globe.

"It's just what happened, Dad." She breathes, as if she knows what he needs her to say. "There's no point worrying about it."

"You… you forgive us both?"

She rolls her eyes in a way that's so Addison it tugs on all his heartstrings at once. "You're the only parents I'm ever going to get, aren't you? There's no point being mad at you forever. So I figured I should wait for you here."

He's pretty sure there's a tear in his eye with that, but she just rests her head against his shoulder like she's been doing it all her life.

"I know you, anyway. Much more than you know me. I watch you."

He raises an eyebrow to himself, but she continues.

"I watch your work – I think I would have wanted to be a doctor when I grew up… " _When I grew up –_ that stings. "And you with Sofia – I think we'd have got on…"

"You would have been a brilliant big sister." It sounds hollow, ineffectual. But she smiles anyway.

"If you're watching us, Ella, how's your Mom? I haven't…" he swallows, the eventuality of his situation catching him. "I hadn't spoken to her in a long time…"

Those little eyes light up. "She's really happy. She finally got a little boy – his name's Henry. I'm not so sure I'd want a brother, but he seems nice and Mommy's really happy with that Jake man. Well, she's usually really happy. That man with the dark hair – your friend – rang her to tell her about you this morning. She's not very happy right now."

Mark swallows. Because he's not even started trying to wrap his head around how his death would affect everyone around him. It's still so surreal. He grits his teeth, and muses that no matter what, he and Addison always seem to be causing each other pain.

"Who's that Jake man, then? Your Mom finally found someone who doesn't let her down?"

"He's a doctor too – he was going to help her have a baby. But then Henry came along, and she adopted him. I like Jake, he makes Mommy happy. And men don't usually do that. I think she should keep him." She announces, with the confidence in their own opinion only a child can muster.

"She loves him?" Mark finds himself suddenly and surprisingly reminiscent. He's never been able to quite get to grips with Addison with another man, even when he's been happy with someone else. It's like he's never been able to see her _fit_ with someone. Which is somewhat ironic, really, given when he met her she was his best friend's fiancée.

"Yeah she does. More than she ever loved Sam. It's like she's ready to love someone completely for herself again – she was a bit messed up for a while, after you broke her heart again."

She rolls her eyes in that _Addison_ way at him, but she follows it with a smile.

"I broke her heart, again?"

"After you have her that dream again, just for a moment. She would have been ready, that time, to be with you and a kid. Even though it wouldn't have been your kid, in the same way, even though he wouldn't have been me – she thought, just for a moment, you and her were going to make a family."

 _I'm so sorry, Red_ echoes in his ears, as he realises what she's talking about. Sloan's baby and another case of terrible timing. They'd never been in the same place at the same time, and, he muses, that was why they never slotted together for long.

"But it's alright, Dad. You fall in love again. Mommy is, and you did, with aunt Lexie."

 _Lexie._ He remembers watching the life slip out of her and feeling like he'd never be able to _breathe_ again. He swallows. "Aunt Lexie, you said? Is she here?"

Ella smiles, almost enigmatically. "She'll be here somewhere. She only got here the other day – you'll find her when you're supposed to, not before." She doesn't offer anything else, but plucks another dandelion from the grass between them.

"How about you – who have you found, then?"

She looks at him, as if he's stupid. "Well I didn't know anyone, did I? I was never on earth.."

He goes to apologise, again, but she keeps talking.

"I've made a few friends, though. I live with a man called Dell, he was one of Mommy's friends, and he had a daughter back on Earth he misses very much. And I spend a lot of time with Great-Grandpops Bob, he's very nice and always wants to talk about you."

Mark's eyes light up, as he remembers the one father figure he ever had from his bloodline.

"He'll be so happy to see you again."

"And I likewise." There's a choke in Mark's throat he hadn't expected to be there, but he gives her a small smile and she seems to muse it isn't anything to be concerned about.

"I'm alright, Dad. I've always had lots of people looking out for me here."

Mark smiles. "You've got a Dad now. I don't mind if you don't want to – hell, I wouldn't blame you – but you're welcome to stay with me, if you want."

"I'd like that, I think. We could talk about Mommy together. And maybe we could live with Great-Grandpops Bob. All children should have a Dad, I think."

He's thrown back for a second to a little boy forty years ago, asking his Mom why he didn't have a Dad like all the other kids in school, and he sighs. It's something of a repeating cycle, however twisted, however back-to-front. And then he thinks of Sofia, who'll be without a Dad forever, now. Life isn't fair, he thinks, or death afterwards for that matter.

Ella seems to decide they've sat amongst the dandelions for long enough, and she climbs up, holding her hand out to him as if to take it. He laces his fingers through hers as if he's been doing it all her life – and somehow it feels both _right_ and completely alien all at the same time. He gets up, and suddenly the swings are fading behind him. She looks up at him expectantly, as if he's supposed to know where he's going.

"Aren't you going to show me the way?" he laughs, and it comes out sounding slightly nervous.

She shrugs, but starts walking down the hill.

"I don't know where you're going. This isn't my place, this is your place, you just needed me in it."

He smiles to himself. Because he'd never – knowingly – allowed himself to dream her up in this much detail. He'd known he hadn't imagined her nearly as much as Addison did, throughout the years. But here she was, the first thing he found on the figurative 'other side'. Maybe that said something for, at least subconsciously, the child that never was being his biggest regret.

He decides to just wander, find wherever they need to go naturally. Ella skips beside him, clutching tightly at his hand like she's making up for all the time missed.

They start by walking towards the city.

FIN

 **That's a wrap! Hope you enjoyed/weren't offended/at least this made you think (and maybe smile – Ella always makes me smile). Because Maddison is and will always be my OTP. However many years ago that ship sunk,**

 **Let me know what you think in a review!**


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